Scary

Jacob and I were preparing to go to a wedding reception, which was pirate-themed. We were living in this cottage with my family and getting ready, and he went ahead of me. Beckah, Melissa, Annalicia, baby Kaitlynn and I were all sitting outside on a swingset in front of the cottage when we noticed that someone was sitting on the porch and petting a wolf.

The person (I don’t remember who it was) petting the wolf let it come over to us. Kaitlynn loved petting it and I let her for a little while. But she was a little rough, and I didn’t want to wolf to get mad, so I picked her up and wouldn’t let her any more. The wolf slowly transformed into a man. He seemed friendly enough and we kept chatting, and it turned out he lived in the attic of the cottage—renting the space. I put Kaitlynn down and let her play and all of us continued chatting. I was still wary of the wolf-character…I just couldn’t quite trust him.

Finally, he said, “Hey, let’s all go sit in the car and talk.” And I knew right then that I couldn’t trust him…that what he was trying to do was get us all in the car so he could kidnap us and take us away. I immediately said, “No. We’re drawing the line there. Sorry.” Annalicia agreed and went inside the house, but Beckah and Melissa turned to me and said, “Relax. We’re just going to sit there.” I looked at both of them and said, “Don’t you dare. Don’t you go and sit in a car with this man.” They both just glared at me and started to follow him to the garage on the side of the house. Melissa picked up Kaitlynn and started to take her, but I snatched her back.

I didn’t know what to do…at that point it was 2 o’clock in the morning, even though it was still light out. I stood paralyzed for a moment and then ran inside and woke Dad and Mary up. I said, “Sorry to wake you. But we have an emergency. Melissa and Beckah are getting in the car with the wolf.” Dad immediately got up and said, “No.” Mary added, “Curt, they’re gonna get hurt!” Dad hurried into clothes and I felt scared out of my mind but glad that Dad was going to help.

When Dad and I ran out to the garage, with Kaitlynn on my hip, sure enough, they were backing out with the car, prepared to go somewhere. Dad stopped them. Beckah was driving, the wolf guy was in the front seat, and Melissa was in the back. Beckah was so angry at Dad for stopping them. “We’re just going on a drive in the woods!” she said. “Would you relax?! We were going to go pick up Jacob on our way home anyway!” She and Dad argued until Dad finally said, “Okay. Fine. You can go. But I’m coming. And I’m driving.” Beckah irritably moved to the backseat and Dad climbed into the driver’s seat. I gave him a worried look, and after holding my gaze for a moment, Dad backed out.

The dream continued in a slightly different direction for a while…Jacob came back and we went through the cottage, getting rid of old furniture and talking about renovations we wanted to make. Then we realized that Dad was back.

Beckah and Melissa were in the bathroom, covered in cuts and bruises. Mary was there with them. She gave me a cryptic look when I went in, and said, “They got in a car accident. The wolf man is dead.” Beckah looked furious. “Are you okay?” I asked. I went to hug her, because I was so glad she was back and safe, but she just turned to me and said, “It’s your fault he’s dead. I will never forgive you.” And she turned back to the mirror.

I walked out in tears. As I was crying, I walked out to the car. The whole front passenger side was smashed in, and Dad was sitting in the driver’s seat, just staring into his lap.

“Dad?” I asked. “What happened?”

“They’ll never forgive me,” he replied, not looking up. I walked around to the smashed passenger side and reached into the battered glove box. I saw some papers and pulled them out. They had titles like “How To Control A Car Crash” and “Controlled Damage on a Passenger Vehicle.”

“It’s our fault,” Dad said. “It’s our fault they’re dead.”

“Who’s dead?” I asked.

“Your sisters.”

I stopped. “No,” I said. “They’re not dead. I just talked to them. They’re in the house.” Dad just shook his head.

I ran back into the house and found Mary crying softly in the bathroom. “Where are the girls?” I asked. “Oh, Lizzie,” she replied. And I knew they were both dead. I started crying, and it was the crying you can’t stop. When you feel so broken you don’t think you can actually go on with life…that you will never stop hurting enough to live again. I went into the old bedroom that Beckah and I used to share. Jacob was there, sorting through things already. “Hey, what of this do you want to keep?” he asked. I just shook my head, crying too hard to talk, and gently pushed him away, hugging all of Beckah’s belongings to me. He walked out. I sat on the bed and tried to control my tears. Finally, something occurred to me and I went back to the car.

Dad was still there, still sitting, this time with the papers from the glove box in his hand. “Dad,” I asked through my tears. “I have to know.”

He looked up at me.

“Did you do it?” He just looked down at the papers. “Did you do it on purpose?”

He paused, then his voice broke as he said, “I had to. It was the only way I could kill the wolf. Was to kill them too. And it’s better that they’re dead than away somewhere with him.” He looked up at me. I paused for a long time.

“I won’t ever tell,” I said. “It was an accident.”

Dad nodded. I walked back toward the house, knowing that I would carry the weight of that secret my whole life. Knowing my father and I had killed my sisters, trying to save their lives.