It's been a while since anyone's recorded anything here, but I've just had a couple of really cool dreams lately that I want to share. Nothing spectacular, or even particularly detailed, but they've been sort of big cues from the universe/the Lord/my own knowledge of myself as to my life, which has been awesome.
The first one was several weeks ago. I dreamt that I was student teaching at my old high school, with my friend Chalise Ludlow as my cooperating teacher. (I did a few shows with Chalise here at BYU-I before she graduated, and she currently teaches at Rigby High School about 20 minutes away.) It was a little nerve-wracking, and I remember in my dream that I had a vague sense of not knowing exactly what I was doing or what was going on, but knowing that I was qualified enough to do the best I could with what I had. I remember I had great students. I remember they were talented and quirky. I remember some of them were there because they wanted to act, and others were there because they didn't fit in anywhere else. It was a fairly realistic dream for the most part...I remember I taught a film class, an acting class, and a musical theatre performance class. The other parts of the dream that were a little less couched in reality were pretty symbolic, actually -- there was this whole thing about a train and trying to decide to take the train now or to drive around town for a while and catch another train later. (Journey -- get on the graduation train now, or just take it easy and learn for now, with graduation sometime in the future.) The other details of the dream are fading, and actually not terribly important. But I woke up thinking "Yes. Time to hop on that train. THAT is what I want. I love performing, I love learning, and I love BYU-Idaho. But it is time to get my degree." It was kinda cool to be motivated by that. And conveniently, even in hopping on that train, I still have 2 more years of learning, performing, and BYU-Idaho-ing. The example of Shanelle and her love for her kids at Kearns, and Chalise's passion for what she does, and that dream have reminded me of why I came here to this school in the first place...of what I want and why. I want to teach high school. I will learn and perform for my whole life. While teaching high school.
The other dream I had just last night. I dreamt that I was wandering around somewhere as part of some sort of performing arts day camp at a high school or university. It was pretty prestigious, full of proffessional-level talent, and now that I think about it, I don't remember exactly what I was doing there. But anyway. Someone stopped me and told me I was supposed to be in room blah-blah-blah to start choreography rehearsal. I dashed off, thinking that they'd made some mistake, either in choosing me to choreograph, or in not notifying me earlier that I was choreographing. I get to the room, and Mia Michaels is there, along with Thayne from season four of "So You Think You Can Dance." Mia Michaels was the assistant choreographer, which meant she watched my choreo and helped correct dancers where needed. Thayne was just one of the students. I remember feeling slightly intimidated, but more just surprised that Mia Michaels was my ASSISTANT choreographer. Intimidated mostly because I hadn't prepared anything, and had to make stuff up almost on the spot.
I still remember my choreography and it was kinda boring. But apparently more difficult than I thought, because everyone kept getting off on the counts. The number of students I was teaching kept building every time we went through the combination. Eventually it was so crowded that dancers had just enough space to do their moves. Whenever we stopped for a moment, everyone would start talking and I couldn't yell over everyone and was getting so frustrated. Finally, we were going over a jump on the first 8 counts...everyone kept jumping on "7" and having a little bit of extra time, because the jump was supposed to be on "AND 8." I was yelling over everyone, saying "Okay, just the last half of that count of 8, jumping on AND 8 -- ready, 5, 6, 7 AND 8." And hardly anyone did it. I climbed up on a chair and tried to yell over the din, until finally I got everyone's attention. I was furious. I yelled "Out of the 40-something of you here, know how many just did that jump? About 8 of you." Everyone started quieting down. There were a handful of girls who had gone to their bags by the mirrors and were talking on their cell phones. I walked over and held out my hand, saying "Cell phone, please, give me your cell phone, you will get it back after rehearsal" and taking them out of hands without giving them time to say good-bye or make explanations. (Which is probably something I would do...I have zero tolerance for that kind of disrespect.) Then I stood up on the chair again and made this speech, and it was one of those things where you don't plan what you're saying, but as you're saying it, you realize how true it is. I'll have to paraphrase a little, because I don't remember the details, but what I said went something like this:
"You guys have SO MUCH talent. And I cannot stand to see you wasting time like this. You NEED to pay attention. You NEED to listen, you NEED to dance. You guys can do things that I will never be able to do. I love dancing, I always have. And you have to dance if you're going to choreograph. But I am not half the dancer that some of you are. I'm a choreographer. You guys, all of you could go on to do incredible things, to be lead dancers in the most prestigious companies, and to made a CAREER out of your dancing. I cannot do that. I never will be able to do that. So PLEASE, do not waste the gift that you have! It is a gift that others have longed for. I'm not telling you these things to be mean, it's just that I LOVE you guys, and I want you guys to be the best you can possibly be. If you're just here to have fun, you are in the wrong place. There is a place for that, but this class is not it. You are here to dance. I am here to make you the best dancer you can possibly be, but you CANNOT DO THAT if you are not paying attention in rehearsal. Got that? Okay, let's take it from the top of that first count of 8."
Everyone was quiet and the room had that subdued and guilty but newly determined feeling that always comes after a speech like that from a director. We continued dancing and then the dream shifted to something different about Bear Creek Park and sketches for a movie set. But I woke up from that dream with a strong impression of "Yeah. That's true. I'm not the greatest dancer. I could never do some of the things these people can do. And I'm almost 24. Realistically, I can't expect to begin my dancing career now. I can always look to improve, but I'm just not meant for the dancing big leagues. But I can still contribute. Just because I'm not Mia Michaels doesn't mean that I can't choreograph. And just because I'm not Thayne doesn't mean I shouldn't put as much effort in as anyone else." It was just cool...kind of a lesson learned/reminded.
Just lots to think about. =)
1 comment:
loved all your dreams and all of you
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