I'm still half-asleep and can't think of a good title...

It all started with me loading the dishwasher at my mom's house. I was very cheerful as I did this because my mom's house was apparently the headquarters for some type of Resistance. Eddie Izzard, Executive Transvestite Comedian Genius Extraordinaire (pictured above in the second photo because I couldn't figure out how to get them down in the body of the texts like you showoffs *thbbttbbbtthbbt*), was also part of said Resistance, and it just so happened that it would be his turn to unload the dishwasher I was presently loading. This made me happy because it meant I could leave little things under the cups in the dishwasher with which to surprise and cheer him, seeing as he had been feeling a bit down lately and discouraged as to the Resistance's chances of ultimate success.

So I left a little green dragon made out of some sort of water-proof plasticine clay, along with a little snake winding his way through the crockery, and this really cool metal vine I found; it was about as big as an earbud cord, dark green with little flowers which looked absolutely real, until you looked at it really closely and saw that they were actually painted on, masterfully. Surely, I thought, these gifts could hardly fail to brighten Eddie's day (their placement was, for some reason I don't understand now, highly humorous; I had spent a long time arranging them for maximum comedic impact, and felt sure Eddie of all people would understand and appreciate this).

Well, some sort of Resistance disaster occurred next, in which we were all afraid our cover would be blown, and amid the fracas that ensued I overheard Eddie telling Allison how hilarious and thoughtful his good friend Stephen Fry (first picture; I guess he's a part of the Resistance too) was for leaving him such cunningly-arranged little toys in the dishwasher. Needless to say, I was most disappointed. Indeed I was so heartbroken that it forced me, amid the chaos of trying to preserve our crumbling Resistance, to reexamine my feelings for Eddie and discover that, instead of feeling a brotherly, comrade-like regard for him, I was, in fact, deeply in love with him.

Next scene took place in a horrible wood-paneled office of some sort where I was visiting Rachel Warren (old roommate) and her irascible old curly-haired boss. We were all just chilling together when an Officer of the forces against which the Resistance fought entered. She slapped the dishwasher toys down on the desk with an air of triumph and demanded if any of us knew anything about it. By this time, the dishwasher toys had morphed into a little soldier action figure I had made myself, with a plastic bag for a parachute and a zip-line threaded with this weird, thick, glittery striped needle, which was contraband. The use of the needle was the crime this Officer was investigating. Incidentally, this Officer was the mirror-image of Rachel's old-lady boss, which was weird. Anyway, being a seasoned Resistance fighter, I kept my cool, and Rachel distracted the Officer by insulting her marvelously. The Officer wrote her up a "warning" and left in a huff.

After that, things sort of deteriorated. Eddie became capable of turning himself into an elk, and was running about the forest and grazing in a meadow, and then he was grazing on a school football field because he was sort of a pansy elk who only liked hanging out on nice flat manicured grass. He got in trouble with the local people (who dwelled like aboriginals in my old Girl's Camp campgrounds) for impersonating Diana the Goddess of Hunting (a capital offense in their culture) and while he was trying to talk his way out of this I woke up. The end.