A "W.I.P. moment"

I’m in a pool somewhere, that doubles as a form of public transportation. It’s hooked to a truck that pulls it, but when we move it feels and behaves like we’re in a boat. A boat that happens to be filled with water. There are seats all along the edges, like in a hot tub. I don’t remember why I’m going somewhere in this pool-bus, but I’m surrounded by a lot of other people that I don’t know. A lot of them are the “popular kids.” I befriend this cute guy, who’s not a “popular kid.” I know he’s a midget, even though in my dream he’s just a few inches shorter than me. He makes a living doing impressions and ventriloquism. During the day, he plays Johnny English and a few other characters in Oakland’s “Fairyland.” Which I tease him about, because he’s gay, even though no one really knows or suspects that about him…he strikes people as being quite the ladies man, probably because of one of his hobbies, which is this: he loves half-way seducing women. He says he doesn’t even have to work very hard…most women are strangely attracted to the idea of an encounter with a midget. So he allows them to think he’s seducing them, and then after making out with them for a while, he tells them he’s gay! Surprise! He considers it a practical joke of sorts. No one really outs him because they’re embarrassed, and some women even go so far as to assume it’s his way of running away from commitment.

We’re sitting and talking about all this in hushed tones as we travel in the pool-bus. I ask him if kissing all these girls ever does anything for him, and he says the only pleasure he gets from it is knowing he’s playing such a great practical joke. I tell him I haven’t been kissed in simply AGES, and hinting-ly suggest I’d even be willing to make out with someone in the name of science. (Apparently, I’m a brazen hussy in my dreams.) He teases me back and says he gets all the kissing he wants.

During all this, I’ve been noticing that this blonde in a bikini has been eyeing my midget friend. He looks over at her and winks at me, then moves over to talk to her. I roll my eyes, but laugh, because somehow I really love how he plays this same practical joke on so many people. Especially since the people he plays the joke on are “the popular kids.” Scars from middle school, I guess.

The dream switches for a while to something completely different…I’m at my old house in Medford, which on the inside is my grandparent’s house in Fremont. I don’t remember as much of this part of the dream, but I know there was something about these scary wolf-bears in the neighborhood, and a Native American man from down the street coming to warn us, and then all of a sudden, it was complete chaos in our driveway, and I was trying to help all of our neighbors with everything from finding a blanket to signing autographs to solving math problems to making sandwiches. And I’m distracted the whole time because A) My sisters all have to leave to catch the school bus soon (even though its nighttime) and I’m leaving town today and need to say good bye to them, and B) I’m not sure who’s watching my son, and I know he gets moody and upset around this time of night because its his bedtime and he probably wants me. He’s the same little boy I’ve had dreams about before, but in past dreams, he’s been the baby, who I call my “bambino.” In this dream, he’s just turned four, and he’s still got this Italian look, with olive skin, dark dark hair and green eyes. I finally find him, wrapped in his comfort blanket, playing with the dogs in the backyard by himself. As soon as he sees me, he clings to me and won’t let go. So I try to keep doing all these things I’m trying to do, but with my 4-year-old son wrapped around me. Which is difficult, but I don’t mind, because its part of being a mother.

Then, I remember my gay midget friend, which I realize is actually from an alternate life in another dimension, and I decide I want to find out what happened and live that life for a little while. I leave my son in the care of my sister, even though I’m mad at her for going to a dance class with my grandma and not telling me about it, and I go to find out what happened with the blonde. When I get to his penthouse, he and the blonde are still in their bathing suits, sitting and talking on the couch, and I can tell that her IQ is about equal with the couch’s. I can tell he’s laughing at her, but she doesn’t know it, which is even funnier, in a cruel sort of a way. I ask about someplace to rinse the chlorine out of my hair, and he says there’s a shower-head in the foyer. He says he and the blonde should probably rinse the chlorine out of their hair too. (Okay, so this next part sounds kinda dirty, but in my dream, it really wasn’t. At least it didn’t feel that way…you know how dreams can be.) So the three of us are all rinsing off in the foyer, in our bathing suits, and all of a sudden she’s ALL OVER HIM. I stand there for a minute like “Hey, wow, I’m still right here.” My midget friend is actually looking at me over her shoulder and laughing and winking. I stand and wait for her to realize that I’m there, but in “popular kid” fashion, she ignores me. Finally, I say “I’m just going to take a seat. Got any popcorn?”

Then I realize what a ridiculous situation I’m in. Sometimes that happens in real life, when you’re just kind of living in the moment and then all of a sudden you wonder how you got to be in such an absurd situation. I think to myself “I’m in the apartment of a gay midget impressionist/ventriloquist, watching him make out with a blonde bombshell. How the heck did I get into this?” I stand up and say “This is what my friend Shaun and I call a ‘W.I.P. moment.’ That stands for ‘How Did I Get Into This Absurd Situation?’” And then I wake up.